Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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