i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
