so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
