Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
