very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
