you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
