Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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