I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
only if we run a train.
done.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
