so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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