Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
