mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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