It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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