Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
