I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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