nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
