Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
