you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
