I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
