I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
