i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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