shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can't trust your balls anymore.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
