oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
