i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
