Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
