2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
