I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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