Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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