I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
