Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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