so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
