oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
