so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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