Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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