You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
