Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
