You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
