I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
