I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
