Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
