a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i came on her dog
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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