I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
