The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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