He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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