i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
