We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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