he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
