Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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