I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
