you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
