It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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